The first step to change

When you are tired of feeling like you have no control. Like your life is not going the way you want. You are unhappy, unfulfilled and you feel like you just can’t do anything. The first step to take towards changing that is to acknowledge those feelings. They are real, and they are telling you something.

I complain. We all complain. Sometimes life sucks. REALLY sucks. However, sitting around complaining about your husband, or the kids, your boss…or whatever it is that is holding you back, is not going to do you any good. You have to be honest with yourself. Somewhere in all that complaining is the root of the real problem. The solution is in being honest with yourself, and acknowledging the truth. Even if it’s ugly.

For me, it was admitting that the life I had, was not the life I wanted. At first it seemed selfish. I was a stay at home mom, two beautiful kids, I didn’t have to work unless I wanted to, I had a husband that made good money, was handy and didn’t spend his nights at the bars, fishing hole or golf course. He was home. On the surface that seems like a pretty damn good life. Problem was, it was not the life I wanted. There were a lot of underlying resentment and anger. I tried, for 17 years, to make myself happy with my life. At times, I would try to stretch beyond the walls of my secure little life to do something that I was passionate about. It didn’t work. I couldn’t be who I wanted, living the life I was living.

I had to admit, this pretty little picture was not MY picture of happiness. Once I was willing to really accept that bit of ugliness about myself, I was able to see what my possibilities were to actually being happy. At the time, I wanted desperately for my husband to be on board with me. I wanted to branch out a little…get a little slice of my own heaven. I wanted to be on this journey together, as a loving couple should be. Then came the realization that it was not going to be possible. He knew what he wanted, and it did not include me branching out in any way shape or form.

Accepting that meant accepting that I was probably going to have to do this on my own. NOT what I had planned this late in my life. I had little to no education, no skills, no job, no money. All I had was this feeling that I could not deny myself any longer. I had to take some action. Give myself an opportunity to pursue my own passions. That was scary as hell!
Now, let me say, that I don’t think that divorce is the only answer to living life on your terms. What I am saying is that you must first be honest with yourself. You made choices in your life that got you here. Some of those choices may have been out of fear, desperation, need or simply the lack of confidence a person needs to make better choices. However, you made them. Accept them. Admit it is not what you want and you are tired of living a crappy life. Be honest.
Then take some action. Find some way to move in the direction you heart is leading you. Stop making excuses about what you can’t do, and start finding solutions to what you can do.


2 thoughts on “The first step to change

  1. I absolutely love what you have written so far. Congrats on starting a new blog. I know it might seem scary to leave the familiar waters towards the ocean but we have to remember the vastness of the ocean and how big the world is. Don’t be like the frog beneath the coconut believing that’s all the world is limited to…lift up the shell and see it’s wonders. Good luck to you on your journey!

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