It’s not about Perfection

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. ~Ralph Ellison, “Battle Royal”

I have been in a situation (or two) where it has been brought to my attention that I have so much missing in my life. I’m not “with” someone, I still have some weight to lose, I don’t have a good job, don’t have don’t have don’t have….Ugh. This usually comes on the heels of me feeling exuberant about my life. Talking about all the things I am grateful for, or just simply being Happy.  That is when I need to be reminded that, in all fairness, I have so much more to be unhappy about.

Bullshit!! Honestly…it’s exhausting living where all you see is what is missing.  Everywhere you turn you are disappointed by what you don’t have, or what you “should” have, never what you do have.  Day in and day out the world reminds you of how little you are and how little you have. Just look, or if you can’t, there is always someone who is willing to point it out to you.The reality of it is…there is always so much to be grateful for! If you focus on those, even if you can only find a few at first, the Universe will begin to show you more and more.  Soon you will begin to see the world around you full of things to be joyous about.  It really is all about what you choose to focus on. YOU. Not the asshole who sees the world in only regret and want…but you who can choose to see the world as beautiful and giving.
For the sake of argument, I’m going to fully admit, I don’t have everything I want. My job isn’t fulfilling nor does it really pay enough to keep me above water. I barely have enough to get by, and my credit card debt is growing.  Currently, my love life is lacking.  I don’t have someone to come home to, to make breakfast for, to cuddle and watch Glee with. Things in the house are falling apart, and I have no idea how to fix them.  For some people, it would appear that I have nothing but bad things, and not much to be happy about.  For some people….but not for me!

I have a job where I am liked and appreciated.  It does help to pay at least some of my bills. I see people everyday that make me smile and I return the gesture.  I have two beautiful (smart) kids that I get up early to make breakfast and lunch for, even though I know they could do it themselves.  I have friends that make me feel good, and enjoy my company.  With all of that…I still have faith that the other stuff will work itself out.  I don’t worry.  I accept and I embrace all the good that is around me…and the Universe opens my eyes to more and more good things everyday.

It really comes down to you.  What is it you want to focus on every day of your life? Lack or Abundance?  Bitterness or Gratitude?  You have the ability to make that choice at any given moment.  Shit is going to happen.  Curtain rods will come ripping out of the wall leaving a huge gaping hole and the realization that you do not have the knowledge, let alone the tools, to fix it (Yes this just happened to me this week).  I have two choices…let that crap define me, or let me define myself.  It sucks, but it can’t take me down.  It will get fixed…and surely I will be the one to do it.  In the end, I will look back and say “I did that!” and pat myself on the back…I may be the only one, but that’s ok too.

My life will never be perfect.  For one thing, perfection is NOT what I am looking for.  There are going to be times when things fall apart, but that doesn’t mean I have to fall apart with it.  I will never have the body I had in my 20’s, I will probably never be a millionaire and it could be years before I meet that special someone.  I’m ok with that.  I’m ok with that because I can sit here right now and find a ton of things that are right and that I’m grateful for.


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