Ok…now what?

So now that I’ve had my little wake up call. Now that I’ve stopped making excuses and stopped the whining about what I don’t have all that other shit, now what do I do. I’ve got to walk the walk…and that means ACTION.

As per usual, I am one hell of a force out of the gate…I got the kids (a bit reluctantly) on board. However I’m sure there is a part of them thinking just like me “this won’t last long”…I’ve got the plan, and I’ve put all the pieces in place. Day one I was a rock star!! Day two…maybe faltered just a bit…Day 3 I got sick. Really??!!???

I’m sitting here now feeling like if I move one way or the other I might just throw up or pass out…not sure which is better, but I feel like shit. Nothing like derailing my awesome plan right from the start. So now I can just toss the whole damn idea out the window. I mean, if the Universe isn’t going to help me…I can’t possible be expected to help myself, right. It’s not fair. I FINALLY got my head out of my ass and on track only to be thwarted right away.

Not. Going. To Happen.

That is the old me..that is probably most of us. Toss in the towel, guess it’s just not meant to be. If it was, it would be smooooooth sailing all the way… Hahahahahahahaha…..I am laughing at myself. Pulling all the knowledge I’ve gained over the last 10 or so years, and smacking myself with it. No, it’s not going to be smooth sailing…It’s gonna take some work. Just cause you didn’t make it today, doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow. The “trick” is to just keep going forward. Just beyond all that darkness and muck is the life you are hoping for. You’ve spent enough of your life wadding through the muck of an unfulfilled life…now you just have to wade through with a little determination to get to the end…the life YOU want…the one you always knew was possible…Now you’ve cleared some of the dust off the idea, and it’s starting to show a little light, it’s time to keep going.  I have been reminded of this exact thought over and over and over again lately.  Just think of Aladdin and that lamp.  Genie doesn’t come out just cause you blew a little dust off…you actually have to rub it! Put in a little elbow grease…work it!

The life I desire is completely within my reach.  It’s waiting for me to work my way to it. It’s waiting…with all it’s pretty bright colors….but I have to work my way to it, life isn’t going to just drop it at my doorstep cause I deserve it.  I do deserve it…but I also know that the best part of all this is that the prize will be that much sweeter when I get through my own muck, and clean out all the debris of the past.

“In order to get something you’ve never had, you have to be willing to do something you’ve never done.”  Not sure that is the exact quote, but it resonates with me.  For me it is about following through, staying focused and not giving up on myself, no matter the obstacle.  I give up to easy.  Not this time.  I got 5.5 weeks to make it…and I’m not giving up on myself this time!!


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