Recognizing that I’m struggling

Today I feel really good. I’m getting stuff accomplished and taking my own advice.  It’s one of those days where things are flowing through me…and I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed.  Fortunately, not completely, which is why I’m able to get things accomplished.  When things get too overwhelming, I freeze…thankful that is not the case today.

When I woke up this morning…all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.  I was having very interesting dreams, and when I woke, I really hungered for more.  I asked the question I have been struggling with and waited desperately  to fall back asleep and let my dreams answer. Nothing happened.  Eventually I had to succumb to the idea that the answer  was for me to get my ass out of bed.   Sometimes the answer is more obvious that we realize.

Often times when there is an answer that we seek…we only need to be open and pay attention to the ideas and messages that are being handed to us.   I ask, the Universe answer. Every single time.  Not always the answer that I Want…not always wrapped in the packaging that I desire…but ALWAYS the answer.   Right now I’m in a place where I am struggling.  I already know that struggling means I am fighting flow…and keeping myself in a state of fear and uncertainty…But for some reason I can’t seem to just Let Go.  I know better.

So, I put the question out into the Universe and I let myself be open to the answers…Here is where the  answer hits me like a 2×4,because I already know the answer…but I’m fighting it.  Over and over and over the past few weeks I’ve been getting the same answer.   You are NOT being true to yourself.  You are allowing the messages of the past, of the negative people, to block you from the present moment.  I tell myself the TRUTH…but then beat it down with those  old negative messages.  Oh man, am I sick and tired of that fucking story.  Time to STOP.

Today…It was reaffirmed.  I’m moving out of that block and I know what (some) of the steps I need to take to get myself back on track.  I think I’m finally getting the message in part because of the steps I’ve taken on my 6 week plan.  Less tv and computer, more human connection.  I’m being realigned with the path I started more than 10 years ago…and finding myself drawn back to the same simple steps that I started then.  Today, I took out a vision board I made for myself 5 years ago.  It’s funny, I was in such a different place then, but when I look at that board, I still desire all the same things I did then.  Now, it’s taking on a slightly different path, but to the same reward.  There is something quite comforting in all of that.

Anyway, I’m going to stop struggling.  Stop worrying.  I’m gonna work on flow, and work on making sure that I am more true to myself, and NOT those old messages of fear.


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