I still believe…thoughts of marriage

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Love and Marriage should NOT be this hard
Right now I am a ball of mixed emotions. I want to cry, scream, run away, brush myself off and sometimes close down completely…Hormones might have a small part in it…but it has a LOT to do with LOVE.

When we were little girls we all had our dreams of what our life was going to be like when we grew up. For most of us we had the idea that we were going to find Prince Charming and our lives were going to be filled with happy endings…Most of us didn’t get that idea because that’s the kind of life we grew up believing in…but we fantasize about it from books and movies and even music. Then reality hits us…life is hard…and LOVE is even harder.

Should it be hard??? Really…should LOVE be hard? I mean life can throw you a curve to two or even hundreds…but love should be in it’s basic form, easy. Please, before you start cultivating your own comment to tell me how wrong I am…let me explain.

LIFE is hard. You cannot control what happens on the outside world…but in your home and with your partner life should be welcoming, comfortable and easy. You should feel comfortable telling your partner anything on your mind…Your parnter should be your best friend, your confidant, your safe place. THAT should not be hard. THAT should be easy. If you are with the person who makes you feel good, safe, comfortable and at ease…then you are with the right person. Living with your partner should NOT be hard…yes there will be hard times, but in the end you should know that that person loves you, wants the best for you, and can be counted on to be there through the tough times…

I think in it’s simpliest and purest form, you and your partner should be compatable and (yes I’m going to say it) made for each other. That doesn’t mean that you should be carbon copies of each other…I don’t think that you should like all the same things, think the same on every subject or want exactly the same things out of life…But you should compliment each other. I think marriage should be a partnership in every single way. If you ebb, your partner should flow…If you are down, your partner is there to pick you up…when your partner is down, you are there. When times are good you are there embracing the joy together and filling up on all the goodness…but when life hands you a challenge…shouldn’t you know that your partner will be there to help you…want for you to succeed…want for you to come out better and stronger than when you went in….You want to know that you can count on that person to be there when you are NOT at your best, and love you through whatever life is going to toss your way. YOU should be that person to your partner.

I am really trying hard to find the right words to explain myself right now.

I do NOT believe that life and love and marriage is all hearts and flowers and easy every moment of every day. BUT I do think that being in a relationship and being with your partner, and being in LOVE should be easy, fulfilling and comfortable. I do NOT think that being with the one you love should be hard and leave you feeling you should have to Fight to keep together.

Recently I heard someone say that we need to raise our standards for what we want in a relationship…For those of you who have little girls especially, don’t you want for them to find a person that loves them and makes them feel good about themselves. WHY do we believe that marriage is hard??? Why can’t we believe that it can be easy. If you are fighting all the time, pushing for it to be “better”, trying to make the other person happy…what is the benefit of being married.

What I truly believe marriage SHOULD be is safe. You should know at the end of the day that you will not be judged, ridiculed, disregarded. If you really love your partner, you should be able to let your guard down, step out of your comfort zone and KNOW that they are there to love you though whatever and will NOT let you fall…they are by your side. You should feel free to express yourself and know that even if you disagree, you do not disregard the way your partner feels…Love should NOT be hard…

When you look at the people who are really happy and in love…whether they are young or old, what do you see? I see happy people…people who compliment each other…laugh with each other…hold each other…people who have each other’s back, lift each other up, stand by each other, love through it all…Love and marriage does NOT have to be hard…at least not all the time. When you step into your home, you should feel safe…and you should be a safe place for your partner.

Agree to disagree…but I think it should be much easier than people think. We make it hard, because we think it should be…or we think we don’t deserve better…Maybe we just don’t read enough good love stories, or maybe we forgot what it was like to dream about your Prince Charming…Maybe we should WANT more from our lives and our relationships…maybe if we expect better…we’ll get better

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