Settling in. Getting cozy with what is and ignoring all the rest. I have a stack of books I haven’t even touched, recipes piling up while I make the same boring dinner choices every night and I’m just exhausted. Not the kind of exhausted you get when you’ve been running around and getting shit done, but the kind of exhausted that happens when you lay around in your pajamas for days on end because you just don’t think you can take another day.
Lately I poke the bear that is my desire for a much more fulfilling life…and when the Universe hands me a chance to go for it, I turn and pretend I didn’t see it. To be perfectly honest, I’m sick of myself. Sick and tired of turning my back on my own life. Sick of going through the motions and still not moving an inch in any positive direction. I’ve been worrying about things that I know I don’t need to. Worry sucks. It just doesn’t do anything good for the problem, or for finding the solution…it’s a useless mental torture designed to keep you in the dark. I have never been much of a worrier…so why now.
Realistically I could just settle to my life as it is. It would be quite cozy and incredibly boring. I could sit back and worry about things I have no business even thinking about. I could just take the hand that was dealt me, and spend the rest of my life making my excuses that I couldn’t do anything more. It would be perfectly acceptable,right? I mean everybody does it. Well except for people who really really REALLY want more out of life. I think, deep down inside, I’m one of those people.