Feeling restless…

I have read…when you begin to feel restless, it’s time for a change.

 I am restless.  I’m busy, but I’m bored.  Is that possible??  Why yes it is.  I am busy, I have things to do, children to take care of, a house to maintain, bills to pay and a life to live.  I’m bored, stuck in mediocrity, not living to my potential, I don’t feel alive or inspired, I do not challenge my mind or my body or even my soul….Yawn.

 This is the time of my life that I should really know who I am and what I can do.  At 42 (and a half) I think I’ve barely scratched the surface of my true potential.  There is a longing in me that wants something more fulfilling out of life, but I seem to be getting myself caught up in all the same old traps of procrastination that have gotten me stuck my entire life.  I seek information…and then when I get that information it sits there and collects dust.  Perhaps it’s just that same old nagging voice that tells me I really can’t do it or I’m really not WORTH it.  Maybe its just plain laziness….maybe a little of both.

 Yet again I’ve overloaded myself with so much information that I’m overwhelmed with possibilities and yet no real desire to put any of it into practice.  Ok, well, honestly that’s not really true. I do have the desire, but when you overload yourself with so much information it can be difficult to know exactly what or where to start.  I guess, the honest truth is that it doesn’t really matter where you start…just start.  I have recently admitted to being an avid collector of recipes.  I don’t try them, I just keep collecting them.  They sit, cluttering up a kitchen drawer, doing nothing but wasting space.  Yet, I find myself searching for more recipes.  Seems rather ridiculous…but I find myself doing it over and over.  Finally I decided I was going to start going through that stack of papers and giving some of those recipes a try.  I’m on week two, I’ve tried 4 already.  None were worth repeating…so now they have a new home in the recycle bin.

 All I had to do was start.  Just start.  Inspiration comes when we are out doing things….not while we are sitting home hording information we know deep in our being we are not going to use.  It’s crippling.  I feel like I’m suffocating with stuff and my shovel isn’t big enough to dig me out.  That is how it FEELS….but that is not reality.  The reality is that I have the power to stop doing things that do not move me forward…I have the power to begin taking just one step out of that hole.  I have it.  Always have…it’s like owning a pair of those Ruby Red slippers…

 Today is a new day.  Today is another gift! A chance for a do-over…a new starting line…  Acknowledge that thing that is tapping on your soul…stop shoving it away with more excuses, more information overload, and more procrastination.  Acknowledge and make a move. I’m twiddling away at those recipes, cleaning out emails that I won’t read, and I’ve already started reading a book that’s been sitting alone for months. 

Just a step towards the light!


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