A little confession

So, I’m going to admit something about myself.  I’m honestly not sure if this has been a long standing quirk of mine or if it’s a recent development given my recent changes.  I think it’s funny.  I also think it might be holding me back just a little bit….
I have recently began to notice that I spend a little too much time hoping that I might be able to reject someone who has rejected me. Ok, I know it’s not a sexy kind of confession….but once I acknowledged it, I had to laugh.

It’s pretty funny.  No one really like to be rejected, and most of us probably have the same little quirk about obsessing a little to long and hard about what you would say or do to reject that person if you were given the opportunity.  What’s really funny to me, is that we rarely get that opportunity.  Dammit.

Last week I went out with a man my own age.  I know…I was shocked too.  Met him online, well, cause apparently I’ve discovered there are no eligible men waiting for me in my back yard.  So, we texted, we talked on the phone, he was so excited to meet me so we made plans quickly.  We met, we talked, he looked bored.  Well, he was tired, so that’s understandable.  I was bored….well he wasn’t really that engaging, so that understandable.  Ended the date with a quick kiss and a hug.

Next day he texted, a little less frequently than before.  The day after, even less.  Then he completely ignored me.  So, being the “do not beat around the bush” kind of woman I am, I asked “What gives??”  His response was longer than it really needed to be.  He thought at first he was just overtired, but keep thinking we really didn’t click. It wasn’t anything big or disgusting (yes he used the word disgusting) but he really wasn’t excited to see me again, and that was what he was looking for.  My response  “Gotcha, thanks”.  And that was the end of that.

Rejected again.

I was pretty upset.  Mostly because it would really like to date a decent normal fun loving guy MY age…and every time I meet one, he rejects me.   I feel bad.  What I don’t do is admit that I really wasn’t all that excited myself.  What I did feel was that there was enough to give it some time to see if there was anything to get excited about.  I was hoping for at least one more fucking date.  Asshole.  So then, I start to think…he’ll regret it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if he called me and said, “you know, I really miss our conversations.  I’d like to give it another chance.”  REALLY??  Of course MY response would be “Well, if there was something about me that you were NOT attracted to the first time, I’m pretty sure it will still be there the next time.  So I think you should just stick to your original gut feeling and move on.”  BAM!!! Oh yeah.  Screw you asshole, you missed the opportunity to spend time with one FANTASTIC woman.

Pretty awesome right.  Obviously I’ve given this waaaaaaaayy to much thought.  I didn’t get that opportunity.  I probably won’t.  But man o man would it be nice if just once I could snatch that quick rejection and toss it right back in their face.

I need to find a hobby.  Re-writing rejection is not as fun as it should be.  Maybe I should take up weightlifting…

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