Listen….I love my independence. I spent my whole adult life trying to conform to someone else’s ideal. Spent more time trying to be what he wanted than who I really was. So now that I’m on my own, there is something to be said for moving on when I’m not happy not accepted, and choosing those days I just want to be alone.
Problem is…I think I’m so caught up in this whole “independent” thing that I’m missing out on some possibilities or experiences. Not that I’ve haven’t enjoyed myself, there have been plenty of enjoyable moments…and experiences. There have also been some pretty upsetting moments, and a lot of self doubt.
Dating is supposed to be fun…and I am really not having any fun. I either run or sabotage, or just pick assholes. I’m good at picking assholes…if you are looking to hook up with an asshole, I can help pick some out for you.
So I think I need to go at this differently. Somethings got to change. Seriously. Of course I’m an enlightened woman so I know that I am the one who is going to have to do the changing….So, what do I do? How exactly to I have more fun with this, and yet not be completely turned into something far from who I am.
Well, I think I need to say yes more often to these dates. I’m thinking I need to recoup my cost of dating sites that have so far produced not one single romantic relationship. Maybe not the most productive way to look at this, but it would be different than anything I’ve tried before.
So begins a new journey…I got about 6 more weeks paid into this online shit. Bring on the invitations!!