Dating Part 2/moving into adulthood…maybe

So now I’m officially and adult. Well actually I’m out of HS, working full time and living at home with my mother. That sounds like adult to me, right?  Anyway, out with the train wreck of a boyfriend and on to the life of a single lady. Which, until I met my “husband” consisted of sex with a friend who had a major crush on me for years, being the side hook up to a hottie with a girlfriend, and getting way too wrapped up in a boy who was probably too young for me and way too emotional to have been any good for either of us. Yes, it was a perfect time for a 19/20 year old woman to take in. I had my heart broken too many times, tried more often than not to be what I THOUGHT the guy I was “in to” wanted (I faked crying one time just to try to get some sympathy, not a proud moment) and over all had not a clue what the hell I was doing or what I wanted. Sounds like adulthood to me there too…

Now, I’m working in a retail store in the mall, and I remember telling someone that this was where I was going to meet my husband. I was cute and perky and wore spandex a lot (it was the early 90’s ya’ll) and I was quite the sex pot. Retail was my thing, and I was very good at it…especially when it came to selling our products to men. One day two guys come in and I’m my usual flirty self, they buy…they leave. Then one of them comes back with a card! Seriously, a card. I can’t remember what exactly it said, or what he even said for that matter…but he was in to me, and wanted to take me out. I said yes. He had a really stupid name…Jimbo , I remember thinking I could NOT call him that.  Anyway, we had a GREAT first date. He took me into the city and showed me a good time. He was attentive and sincere and even bought me balloons…two birds kissing in a heart (collective Awww). We kissed and it was very nice. He did take me back to his place, which technically was his parent’s. He had the whole basement to himself. We kissed more and not once did he try to get me in his bed. This was a first for me. I left, and he made it clear, he wanted to see me again. There were no fireworks…but I definitely felt good about this guy. Oh AND he was 2 years OLDER than me.

In the meantime, one of my co-workers was trying to hook me up with his brother. Basically he was just out of a bad relationship, and I was just the right girl to make sure the ex didn’t get back in. The co-worker invited his brother to meet him for lunch one day, so I could get a look. I seriously was NOT impressed. Then there was an invite to a party at his apartment. I agreed…20 years later I was divorced from said brother and a single parent with two kids. The end!

Ok…how on earth did I go from great date with bachelor number 1 to married to bachelor number 2??? Well, what I did was sleep with him on the first night. Yep! Somewhere in my twisted little mind I had convinced myself that sleeping with #2 was more real than the respect and sincerity I got from #1. So, when the first guy called to make another date…I made excuses. Eventually, I just stopped answering and calling back. Needless to say, he gave up. Poor bastard…or is it really poor me?? Ugh. Can someone say “self-esteem issues”??? I look back now and want to smack the shit out of that girl!! Why why why…??? Through the years I’ve learned that we all have our own path to take…and this was mine. It isn’t pretty, but it’s mine all mine. Maybe it’s yours too, ok, well similar maybe.

After 17 years of marriage, it was over. I won’t go into all the sorted mess of how I knew in my gut at 21 that I shouldn’t marry this man, or how I tried desperately to make it work…or even how I don’t regret any of it now that I know so much more. That, my friend is a story for another time. THIS is about dating, and I’m going to keep it all about the dating…cause this shit is funny. Not all of it, maybe not even most of it, but enough of it to make for interesting conversation…

Next week…I’ll go into the revelation about what I learned from months of counseling about the kind of men I was/am attracted too. Then we’ll get a little sneak peek into the crazy dating life of a woman over 40. You really really don’t want to miss that one!


4 thoughts on “Dating Part 2/moving into adulthood…maybe

  1. Hi Dawn! I came over to your blog from Evan Marc Katz dating site 🙂 I enjoy reading your candid posts – some posts are funny, and some are really sad (like this post for example). My heart goes out to you. Stay strong! It’s truly a journey to get out of self-loathing and on to self-fulfillment.

    My story is slightly different but I share similar thought patterns with yours:
    1) Thinking I need to show the world I can handle it all, I can control myself
    2) Showing my family I’m a good kid and trying all ways to make them proud of me
    3) Hoping, wishing really hard to get attached and taking rejection romantic relationships as personal rejections, etc.

    I’m still making that journey out of the dark tunnel of negative thoughts and pressures but I KNOW that it gets better. It may take years but you will get there, I promise.

    Best of luck and BIG HUGS! 🙂

    1. @chivon Thank you for stopping by. My hope is that by telling my story it might just help someone get to the lesson before they make any long term regrets…
      You can only be the best you that you can…and be honest with yourself. It’s the best tool you have! xoxo

  2. It sounds like you’ve gone through a lot. Your story might bring some comfort to guys who had good first dates with girls only for them to go nowhere after that. It’s happened to me and I have to say, it’s confusing. But seeing it from your side of the story and at least it makes a little more sense to me about what could happen.

    It’s easy to look back and think about the path you could have taken. Sometimes I look back and think about what I should have done. All you can do is continue to move forward and make things better from where you’re currently at.

    1. @Steve I think it helps to be reflective…now that I’m a little older and wiser I can see where I made my mistakes, and can make better choices moving forward. It always seems like we go through a lot when we lump everything together like this…

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