After the first year of dating mishaps I took a new approach. Actually I’m not really sure that’s what I did, but I changed that’s for sure. I started to really wrap myself up in the attention I was getting. After being turned down by someone I approached, I decided it was time for a change. I cut my hair, got a new color and a bit of a new attitude. This by no means was something that mature people do…I see it more like the stereo typical mid life crisis. If I’d been a man I probably would have joined a gym and bought a new sports car. I already belonged to a gym and I had no money for a sports car, oh, and I’m not a man.
The next year…maybe year and a half I took advantage of what seems to be a new and growing trend. Young guys and older women. When I was attracted to someone, they turned out to be somewhere in the range of 24-28. If I was approached by someone interested in me, they were usually somewhere between the ages of 21-27. Yeah. Fun right? Online and out in real life where ever I went I was approached by much younger men…and when asked they figured me to be between 32-35. Usually my answer would be “Yep, works for me.” I rarely actually told them my age…Not that I was ever ashamed of my age. Hell, I think I look pretty damn good for a woman my age. However, I didn’t really feel it necessary to be THAT honest.
At first the thought of being considered a Cougar was a bit offensive. How I would have described a Cougar would be a woman who hunted for younger men. That was not my case, honestly. However, they were the one’s being most aggressive in their pursuits of me…I wasn’t looking, they were, and I was going to enjoy it. It took quite a while before I actually accepted that yes I was a Cougar. Now I see it as a hot sexy woman in her 40’s (or older) who is confident and self assured…and younger men really seem to like that. So no more saying no to the 24 year old guy who thinks I”m “hot”. Nope, I was going to say YES to each and every one that I liked…
First guy I met at my work. He picked me up, we went out to dinner. It was not easy for me. I kept doing the math in my head… I was driving when you were just learning to walk…I was having my first baby when you were in middle school…That sort of thing. He kept telling me not to think of things like that, he liked me, and age was not an issue. I tried very hard to accept that, I didn’t do a good job. The date was good. He dropped out of site not long after, and when he returned I was no longer interested. Good guy. Not right for me.
There were a few others. Eventually I did get over the whole math thing. Most of them were really great guys. Honest, hardworking, making something of themselves with dreams of a promising future. Not a future with me…but a future for themselves. It was nice talking to them and finding a real connection. I can only hope that I had some sort of a positive impact on their lives…even just a bit. Fortunately I was able to take a little something positive from each of those brief but very steamy relationships…something besides just sex. These were the relationships that granted me the benefit of being comfortable with my body. Too often women are self conscious about how they look after a certain age. Yes, I would love to have the tight body I had when I was 20…but I’ve had a little bit of life experience, like kids, that has changed things. They loved my body anyway…until I myself learned to love it too.
What I found that I didn’t have with these guys is a full and complete relationship that I wanted. Never did I feel like any one of them was the kind of guy I could take to a family reunion, or a night out with my friends, or introduce them to my kids. They weren’t right. It wasn’t right. I was getting to the point where it was time for something a little more mature and complete. That’s not to say that I don’t still enjoy getting hit on by a (much) younger man…come on, it’s quite the compliment. However I was starting to feel like it was time to come out of the bedroom and let myself be open to the possibility of something more solid. It was time to start turning my sites to men of a more appropriate age.
So now what??? Come back and see…
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
– Winston Churchill