It was time to start taking this dating thing a little more seriously. I wanted a real relationship…companionship, and dare I say it, Love. In order to get any of that it was time to hang up my Cougar hat and start looking at more age appropriate men with a little more sincerity. After taking a break from the whole online thing, I decided to get back on with this renewed approach and see what would happen.
The first guy was 36. He had moved to the area to be closer to his kids. He was looking for a long term relationship and our conversations were good. We met, very very late one night, and talked for a few hours. Despite the late hour I was not inclined to invite him over to spend the night. Yeah me!! He asked though…I said no and he respected that. I guess you can’t blame a guy for trying. We texted the next day. He wanted to send me a picture. Mind you, I told this guy during our extensive face to face that I was not interested in getting any more “package” shots and he laughed. Said he wouldn’t do that. So, jokingly I said “it’s not a picture of your package is it?” He lol’d and said that he had been thinking of me and wanted to send me a picture. So I said “send away”. Well…much to my dismay, it was exactly what I was afraid of. I asked him why, he gave some stupid response. He apologized, said he deleted it off his phone and that he wouldn’t do it again.
The next day he sent me a text telling me he was currently homeless and could he come live with me. I laughed. Then he said that he’d just been kicked out and would need a place to stay, but was not serious about staying with me. I asked what happened…that’s when I got the real story. He had been living with his ex. She’s gotten pissed at him and kicked him out. This was some information that he conveniently left out of our lengthy conversation. When I asked, he got defensive. Now, I kind of liked this guy, but wasn’t feeling very good about him not being upfront about his living arrangements. He guessed this was a problem….Um, yeah. I told him he obviously needed some time to get things in order…he said he HAD everything in order, just not a place to live. Ok. I was composing my text message telling him that when he got that sorted out, let me know…when he shot back “Listen, I’m not going to beg you. I don’t need this!” I looked at the message I was composing and deleted it. I told him that he wasn’t honest with me, I wasn’t asking him to beg me for anything and that I hope things worked out. However this was not the kind of drama I wanted in my life.
Then I dropped it. He texted one last time the next day just to see if I would answer. I didn’t. I’m sure he’s a great guy, and I wouldn’t really begrudge a guy something like that if he respected me enough to be honest, and not throw a hissy fit. At this point in my life I get to decide what kind of shit I’m willing to put up with and what I’m not. This I was not. I didn’t like this guy enough to want to be in the middle of what had all the earmarks of some seriously crazy shit. No thank you.
Right then I thought I really sucked at picking the right guy. My BS radar is off…big time.
Next, handsome 40 year old man. Online chat was good, text was good, phone call was better. He called me two days in a row, and told me he was excited to meet me. Now this was what I was looking for. 6’4″ handsome, respectable, hardworking…and into me. We met and at first the conversation seemed to be going really good. I’m not sure exactly when I realized it wasn’t going that great. Maybe it was just after he told me the story about a woman who told him that he could sleep with her, but no sex, only to have sex with him in the morning and then ask him if they were now exclusive. To which I laughed and said “yeah, I only sleep with the guys I Don’t want to be in relationships with”. Ok, not that funny but there was already something going down about the date…He looked bored. Then again, he did say he was tired earlier. Anyway, date over, quick kiss in the parking lot and on our way.
The next day he wasn’t really communicating much, the day after even less…by the third day there was nothing. So I sent a quick text asking “What gives”. He respectfully responded by saying that yes, he did seem to not be talking much. He said that he really thought he was just overtired during our date, but then began to realize that he just wasn’t feel “it”. Of course it was nothing bad, but that he was looking for that feeling of excitement, and it wasn’t there. I replied “Ok, thanks”. The end. I was back at the place we had our date with some friends and he walked in with a date. Just one look at her and I figured out immediately why he wasn’t interested in me. She was a little more petite than me, more polished (you know designer clothes fancy pricey handbag) and she looked completely bored. Ok, got it. If that’s the kind of lady your interested in, then I am definitely not the one for you. (ok, give me this one I’m trying to make myself feel a little better)
What was it about me that said absolutely no second date for you! Who knows??
The next guy, was 28. I know I know, not exactly age appropriate, but I was getting kind of lonely. We had a great first date. He was sweet and talkative. We did have a bit of a make out session in the car. Like I said, I was lonely. He texted every morning, chatted throughout the day and set up another date. This time I was going to come out by him. We met for lunch. Black Friday! I hadn’t planned on doing any shopping on that day, but I needed a new printer, and asked him if he would go with me. He said no. He would be happy to wait in the car for me, but had no intentions on stepping one foot into any store on Black Friday. Really? Oh well. So then, I asked if he was going to invite me to his place. Couldn’t, was too messy for company. Uh…ok. More kissing in the car, then I headed home.
One thing about this guy, he was sweet, but lazy. He had no direction. He had a lazy job, and when he got home from work he would spend hours playing video games. WTH? Our texts were less conversational and more “What color are your underwear?” and ” I’m bored.” He was cute and all…really really cute, but I just wasn’t feeling that this was going to be anywhere close to what I was looking for. But he pursued. I allowed. I invited him to my place. Asked him if he would be willing to go to the hardware shop with me. He said sure! After he got here…he informed me that he wouldn’t be able to stay long, he had to go help his parents move a table. ????? I”m not going to embarrass myself and go into detail about how “UN-fulfilling” his visit was. Needless to say that was our last date.
Back on to more age appropriate choices. Professional and 45. No sparks with this guy, but our messages and text were a nice change of pace from the lackluster ones before. We met close to home. Great mature conversation. We talked a little about me and a little about him. After a drink he decided to order some food, and we spent 3 hours eating and drinking. Wrong move on my part ordering the Cosmos…got a little bit tipsy and as he walked me to my car I went in for the kiss. He accepted it well and was not at all a bad kisser. He wanted the date to last longer, but I informed him from the beginning, my kids were home, and I wasn’t staying out too late, although he did keep me out longer than I had intended.
He wanted another date! Wow, really?? Ok, this time movie date. Kids home again so nothing too late. We met at a local theater, Firefall was on the agenda this evening. He bought the tickets, something to drink and snack of my choice. He talked through the whole movie. I hate that. Never once did he put his arm around me or attempt to hold my hand. Do guys not do that at this age? After the movie we decided to grab a drink nearby. We got to the place, he opened the door and walked right in…I paused for a moment and thought about why he wouldn’t hold the door open for me. We had a nice talk inside. He’s well traveled, smart, successful…and tells me he enjoys my “emotional maturity”. I’m not sure exactly what he meant, but I do know that I’m not overly emotional or dramatic about my life experiences. I told him it was time for me to go, he didn’t want to leave but after a nice long kiss…he did.
I wasn’t feeling anything for this guy. Why would he not hold my hand or open the door for me? On a second date a guy should be holding the door for you…on date 10K he should be holding the door for you. Mind you I’m sure this guy would have showed me a good time…but I really was feeling more like the sad poor girl from the other side of town than someone he was truly interested in. So I messaged him and told him that I just didn’t see myself falling for a man who wasn’t inspired to hold my hand or open doors for me. He said he was surprised, but wished me well. I texted him at Christmas…that was all.
Next up 38 year old cutie. He viewed me online but didn’t send a message. So, I checked him out and sent him one… “So there was nothing that intrigued you in the least?” He replied “There was plenty!” We messaged back and forth and the next day he asked if I’d be willing to meet the following day. I said YES! That day, he messaged me to confirming. Big smile. We met and had a great time. Lots of laughing. He held my hand, and as we were wrapping things up he said he wanted to kiss me. I love kissing. I miss kissing. So I said absolutely! It was by far the best kiss I’ve had in a long time. There was heat, it was soft, he pulled me in closer and ran his fingers through my hair…even kissed my neck. It was hot! We said our goodbyes. I messaged him and said that I was surprised he didn’t ask for my number…he said he didn’t need it, not texting and driving. The next day I heard nothing from him…after three days I messaged him.
He said that he had a great time, and that the kiss was fantastic. He liked me and thought that we would have a great time, short term. Then he laid out for me “how it usually goes”…we have fun, we get flirty, we end up in bed, but he still doesn’t feel long term for me, so he breaks it off, hurts me and leaves me feeling like he was just looking for sex. He hates that. Needless to say I didn’t take it well. I really just couldn’t wrap my head around why someone wouldn’t want to take a chance on something that felt so good. Maybe it would only be short term, maybe it would be longer…Who knows until you give it a chance??? What it boils down to is no 2nd date for this chick!
So far, and I’m by no means an expert on any of this crap, what I’ve gathered is that the men in my age group have been at this awhile. Most of them have been in a few short term relationships. Their burnt out. Tired of dating. They seem to be looking for just the right thing…and they aren’t taking any chances. Spark or no spark, they are looking for something particular and if it doesn’t look or feel the way they are expecting, they aren’t giving it a chance. No exploring of possibilities for them…they are out!
Ok little lady…back on the dating horse for you, and let me tell you, I’m getting a little burnt our myself. Two dates scheduled for this week…one has already cancelled.
Next up…sometimes things aren’t as good as they seem.