“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
The weekend went by…and I hadn’t heard a word from the guy. This was only confirming to me that he was certainly slipping away. My heart hurt, no tears, just sad. I had to take some responsibility here…So I decided rather than just let his slip away quietly like so many other men had done, I was going to give him permission to leave. I was going to apologize for being a possessive freak, and let him know that I would always appreciate the time we had together. Just to ensure that this didn’t become come crazy 15 text rant, I was in the process of typing up exactly what I wanted to say, and ensure it was no more than two text long.
Then I had an epiphany. I decided to run this idea by my friend.
Me “Hey, before I do something really stupid, I thought I’d run it past a smart woman.”
Me “I’m thinking of texting him. Not to save it, but to let him go”
The phone immediately starts to ring. She asks me exactly what I was thinking of doing. I explained that I wanted an opportunity to take responsibility for being a little crazy, and let him know that I was sorry, but that I understood him wanting to step back. I wanted to let him go before he let me go. We discussed more about my not really enjoying this whole romance like I should have been, and how he really hadn’t done anything to suggest that he really was pulling away. She convinced me to wait another day, then send him a message and see what happens.
Friends are really good at keeping you from doing stupid shit. I suggest you surround yourself with as many strong smart women as you can…Cause you will need them when you let yourself get a little too crazy. Fortunately, I have been the strong one from my friends, so I’ve ensured that tank is full for when I need to draw a little in return. I took her advise and everything is fine. He’s just as sweet as he has always been, even if it’s not as frequent as it was in the beginning. So the lesson…relax, and reach out before you do something you will ultimately regret. I nearly put an end to something that is making the smart strong woman in me happy…For now, I’ve put that 10% crazy chick to the back of the line where she belongs.
I think it’s time to let go of any expectations of what this is or isn’t…what I may or not may be. There’s always a chance I’ll never see him again, and there is the same chance he could end up the love of my life. Maybe he’ll just turn out to be something in between. Right now I’m just going to ease the grip I’ve had on this idea that I don’t deserve it, or that isn’t what I want or need, and that it isn’t real…Let’s just see what happens when I let go.