The other night I had the urge to write. I didn’t feel like turning on my computer since it’s decided to take no less than 20 mins to start up…so I decided to jut grab one of my old journals. The last entry was from Saturday February 10th, 2007. On the last page I read “I need to focus on want from my relationship and not dwell on what is not happening.” Hahahahahahaha…… Funny how so much time can go by and yet some things are still the same. I wrote what I needed to then flipped back to read where I was when I started that book. Not much has changed when it comes to my relationships. Not sure how exactly I should feel about that.
Reading through it brought back a lot of memories. I still remember those moments of pain and the feelings of hope I had back. These day’s I have more hope than pain…but it seems I’m still looking for the same thing I was before. Just not from the same people. Truth is I’ve grown a lot in the last 10 years…I still have a lot of growing to do.
Lesson for the moment…just BE. It’s every where I look. Just BE. I feel like I’m getting beating left and right over this one. It takes a lot of mental strength to just BE where you are when you aren’t where you want to be. I get it though. Truly I get it. Over the last several months I’ve been fighting a lot…my job my kids my relationship my self. Fighting is exhausting, I’m over it. I’m in the right state of mind…I’m hoping to hand on to it for awhile. I’m sure at some point that uppercut is going to take me out….