Look what you’ve done to me.

I did everything right. I shaved my legs, put on sexy underwear a pretty dress and heels.  His offer was a nice dinner and anything else I wanted to do.  For weeks I’d been putting it off…lying to get out of several offers to take me out.  One day I told him I’d spent the day puking my guts out, just to get out of going on a date with him.  He offered to come take care of me.  Finally I decided I couldn’t…well I should say, shouldn’t put him off any longer.  So I agreed and proceeded to get myself ready.

Dinner was nice.  Italian.  It was soooo damn good. Chose a 1/2 portion as I didn’t want to look like a glutton.  I wish I’d had leftovers.  Conversation was minimal.  We didn’t really seem to have too much to talk about.  I asked what he wanted to do after….he said anything I wanted.  There was a band at the local bar we could see, or maybe a movie.  Truth was, I didn’t want to be there, with him.  No matter how sweet he was, I didn’t want to be there.

I chose movie.  Movie was good.  He didn’t attempt to hold my hand once.  We left and I didn’t offer up any other suggestions.  On the way home, he took my hand.  It was awkward. It didn’t feel good.  He took me home and I showed him my handy painting work on the dining room chairs.  He was impressed.  Looked like a professional job.  We sat on the front porch and talked.  He offered to come help me paint my dining room.  He enjoys painting, it’s like his therapy.   Stubborn me would never ask him to do that.  Finally I told him that I couldn’t invite him in.  I knew what he was hoping for and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I lied again, for the third and final time.  I told him is was “that time of month”…and I was sorry.  He laughed.  The night ended with an unpleasant kiss.

The kiss.  It’s were the real passion is.  A kiss can make or break a pending relationship.  There was nothing there for me.  Nothing.  I’m spoiled.  I blame the damn Hunky Stallion.  I just don’t want to be with anyone else.  Not anyone.  Because of him I’ve found it nearly impossible to be with anyone else.  My hand feels comfortable in his.  My lips feel like they were meant to be touching his.  There is no place I’d rather be than wrapped up in his arms. He’s a fucking asshole.

I took myself off the online dating site a few weeks ago.  This time I’m giving myself the break I was supposed to have back in February.   Whether sometime good comes between us or not…I’ve managed to find some peace  with myself for  the moment.  It’s where I should have been before the Stallion entered my life.  I want him now, but can’t have him…and it seems I don’t want to have anyone else either.  That’s ok.

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