Surrender….

Ebb and flow….It’s the way of life. Things, people feelings come and go.  One day you think you need something, want something can’t live without something…the next day it’s replaced with something new.  The only things that remain are the things we refuse to let go of.  Letting go of want and need letting go of those things that weigh you down…those things that make you feel like you’ve lost your freaking mind.  It’s key to survival.

Today…well, the last few days, I’ve been flowing.  I started to realize that everything I learned over the last few years were being replaced with the years of shitty thinking I had been used to before.  Sometimes you got to get out of your head and just trust.  Trust.  Something out there knows better than me.  All that crap that swirls around in my brain is just a bunch of bullshit.

Lessons come all the time. MY lesson, so I have realized, is that my plans, my ideas suck.  I had a plan.   It was brilliant…hahaha, no it wasn’t it was stupid and immature and nothing at all that I wanted.  However, it was a plan.  Just like before.  I knew I was going to implement this fantastic plan as soon as the opportunity allowed.  The words kept coming I knew exactly what I was going to say,  when I was going to say it…and how I was going to exit with grace.  All I had to do was wait for the moment.  It didn’t take long, this was my chance and I was going to follow through.

I give up.  Not in a dramatic throw my hands up in the air and stop off kind of way…but in a open arms face to the skies surrender kind of way.  It has become crystal clear that I have no idea what I am doing and I should NOT in any way shape of form be making any decisions about my so called love life.  No more pushing.  No more wanting.  No more telling myself that I’m done.  I’m not.  Not even close.  This time I have to just trust that things are going to happen the way they are intended and not the way I want them too.

Sooo….I’m going to just trust that this life has some kind of plan for me.  All I have to do is stay the hell out of my damn head.

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