Reflecting…

A year ago I had it pretty easy.  I had just started a new job, and although the drive was a bit long, the job itself was easy and the people were nice.  It wasn’t long after the drive became much shorter, I was able to wear jeans to work, and the job just got easier and easier.  At home, I was managing my time with the kids and the house a lot better.  Things were finally falling into place and my stress levels were dropping. I’d had just enough of a ‘love life’ (I am using that term as loosely as possible)  to keep me from feeling lonely, and I was feeling pretty good.

I guess I just couldn’t be happy with a life that easy.  Somehow I had convinced myself I needed to shake things up a bit.  Challenge myself…or at least that’s what I was telling myself.  So by the start of the new year I had taken on a new job.  One I had hoped would be more satisfying.  I had also decided it was time to give up on the whole dating thing and take some time off of trying to find someone to “be involved” with.

Right now…I laugh, cause honestly this shit is funny.

By the end of January, just two weeks into the new job, I HATED it.  Not nearly as much as I would in the coming months…but I honestly never regretted a single decision in all my life more than I did the decision to take that fucking job.  It was horrible.  Nothing at all what I thought it would be…I wanted out so desperately, I even emailed my former boss asking if she would take me back.  I had made a horrible mistake.

The decision to take time off the dating sites was a welcome relief since I was becoming such a sour-puss all the time and the prospects were becoming odd at best.  Of course before I could officially let those sites go…the hunky stallion entered.  No worries…of course this is just going to be a sorted physical relationship that won’t last more than a couple of weeks.  Might as well just dive in…at this point, things just can’t get any worse.

Here it is…the end of July. I’m still working at the same place, although I hate it much less than I did even just a month ago.  I’ve come to accept where I am…yet not settle to the idea that this is all there is.  I’m hopeful that either things will get increasingly better, or something better will come along.  For now, I’m ok with where I am.

As for the hunky stallion….well that threw me for an even bigger tailspin.  Not only has it lasted more than a few weeks…it became something I really didn’t even bother to entertain.  Stupid fucker was so much more than I could have expected…that he stole my heart.  To tell the truth, I don’t even think our “story” is over, but it is in hiatus.

Two choices in my life…both within just weeks of each other, both completely opposite of what I expected when I was in the throws of decision making.  The job I thought was going to be like home…feels like prison.  Well wait, we might have to go into this more at a later time, it might be like the home I USED to live in, but not the home I currently have established for myself.  The man that I thought would be merely a notch on my bedpost has become so much more.

Two choices. Two perceptions walking in.  Two decidedly different outcomes.

Go figure.

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