Everywhere I turn it’s the same message. Just have Faith. Emails, FB, horoscope…random shit I come across, they all say the same thing. Just have Faith. GRRRRRRRRRR……..
I’m the kind of person who likes closure. There is nothing more aggravating than having shit hanging around in limbo…with no clear ending. Fuck that shit. I want to close the door…and yes it has been unsuccessful in the past, but having not heard even one word in over a week, and nothing as simple as an “I’m doing good” I figured it was time. So I decided to (yet again) say goodbye. Nothing dramatic just simply “it’s ok. you are stronger than I am, I’m ok. Thank you for the memories.” Done.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I like relationships ending…hell, I cried for 3 months after filing for my divorce and I KNEW it was the right thing to do. There just comes a time when enough is enough and it’s time to close that chapter. After all, he seems to have no problem whatsoever with staying away from me, so I can let myself off the hook and just close the door.
The next morning I receive “hey beautiful it’s (the hunky stallion)…” WTF!! “phone is broken…using the kids…been busy and bored…” blah blah blah. I almost didn’t respond. Come on man for the love of dogs!!! When are you going to let me let you go???? I respond with no emotion. “How are you beautiful?” I’m doing good babe. He comes back with more small talk, I respond with very few words and again with no emotion. As quickly as it began it was over.
Now…here I am pounding my head on the wall and what do I see??? Just have Faith. Are you fucking kidding me??!! Fuck you message from the Universe! Leave me the hell alone! Ugh. FINE!! Just have Faith. Every time I try to close the door, he puts his foot in there. He doesn’t pull it open, he just won’t let it close. I really want to punch him in the face….and then kiss the hell out of him. Then punch him again.
Just have Faith. I get it alright. Stop interfering and let things go…have faith in what you cannot see. That’s not easy…anyone knows that. However, I guess that the fact that he refuses to let me close the door means that I’m going to have to have a little more Faith and muster up as much courage and strength to let things be as I can. Is there a pill for that? Maybe a little magic potion that says “Drink Me” that will keep from thinking about this every time I try to fall asleep. Something???
Faith. It’s my lesson…and it’s not going anywhere till I wrap myself up and get cozy with it.
But seriously…if there is a magic pill, I want that shit.