I really am all about trying to figure shit out. Not just with other people, but with myself as well. I’m a work in progress and I truly am trying to learn why I do the things I do and feel the things I feel. Sometimes I don’t like what I find out…sometimes I surprise myself. Whatever the situation, I’ve learned to figure out where I’m coming from…or at the very least try.
For years I’ve know that as soon as I admit something out loud, I’m nearly project myself in the direction to changing that thing. Now, whatever it is can linger in my brain for years…and there have been many of those things. However, as soon as I express that thought or conflict, out loud, it’s like I’ve opened a magic door that leads to motivation. It’s weird. I’ve know this a while too. Yet, I still allow things to stay up in my head torturing myself with the what if’s and the poor me’s.
Speak your truth. I heard that somewhere…actually I heard it several times. It’s not to hard to figure out and it’s pretty simple. The part that trips me up is the speaking part. I know my truth. I’m honest about myself, and mostly TO myself. What is unfortunate is that I stay wrapped up in the mental bullshit of whatever my truth is at the time and I end up frustrated and sleepless.
When I finally get the nerve to say out loud what I’m feeling there is a lightness that emerges. It kind of feels like that good long stretch in the morning where you wake up your whole body after being still for so long. My muscles relax and my mind stops chattering. Why don’t I just do that shit to begin with instead of letting it clog up my head for so long? I’m an idiot. Well, I’m not really and idiot but I am a little stubborn. I like to play this game with myself where I forget everything I’ve ever learned about myself and try to wing it. Maybe THIS time will be different. Oh how I make myself laugh sometimes.
Saying something to someone puts you in a vulnerable position. I get that, and that isn’t always easy. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable…it’s actually quite refreshing. How the other person receives what you say is completely out of your control, but that’s not the point. If you are speaking your truth, out loud, to the person you need to speak it too…how they receive the message is not as important as you may think. You can’t control them, but if your are being genuine it will all be ok. I’ve learned that too…even though I try to pretend I haven’t.
So I did it. I spoke my truth…there you go now you have it and now my mind is at peace. It was given to you without any expectation, just truth. I’m not sure what will eventually come of it, but for now I feel lighter having said it and released it from my exhausted brain. It was received, it was not rejected…and it is free.
That wasn’t so hard. Whew…