Opening up to the possibilities.

I understand that I need to get out there. Explore more possibilities with men. If somethings going to change then I’m going to have to be the one to change it. So I’m learning to say thank you to the compliments, be courteous when I say I’m not interested and accept invitations from men who seem genuine. Ok, so here we go.

There was the guy who wanted to know if I would be interested in a strictly physical relationship. I told him I wasn’t interested but thank you and good luck. He persisted. I said I’d had enough of those relationships but thanks for the offer. He came back with something along the lines of “come on, I will satisfy you better than any of those other guys and you can have it whenever and as often as you want”…I told him it was time to move on.

Then there was the guy who commented on the picture I have where I’m giving the finger. It’s a cute picture, honestly. He went on to tell me how he found out you can’t send messages with certain words like “asshole” and it took him a while to figure it out. I told him I was aware of that, and that if my picture was offensive he was free to report me. Then he said I should try it, call him an asshole and see if it would send. I said I wasn’t interested. He dared me. Again I said I wasn’t interested. Then he tried to shame me into it. He called me lame, told me I was no fun and that he was going to pray for me. I said nice try, I wasn’t biting and good luck. One more time he comes back…OMG move on.
There was the young guy who said I took his breath away. Wasn’t someone I found attractive, but I said thank you. He asked who the band was in one of my pictures, so I told him. He apologized for not knowinh who it was so I told him to Google it. He came back telling me I was beyond beautiful but that I needed to work on my personality. The fighter in me wanted to respond….but I just deleted him.

One guy who was my age had only a picture of his chest messaged me. Nice looking chest I’ll admit. He offered to email me a picture with his face in it and after a few messages back and forth I agreed. Eh. Didn’t really find him to be that attractive so I didn’t respond. He messaged later saying that he must not be my type and good luck. I said thank you.

There was the 51 year old professional from my town who’s first message was “let’s get a drink”. I said yes without hesitation. Like I said, I know the only thing that’s going to change things are the choices I make so I figured, why not. He cancelled on me.

There have been two in their late 20’s to message me this week. I told them both that I didn’t think I wanted to entertain the advances of a man their age, but thank you. Neither of them were willing to accept that. One of them had no picture but offered to email me some. I hesitated, but agreed. Good looking kid. He asked if he could text me. I agreed. In come the messages…by the third he’s got me naked and he’s exploring my body. I told him that I wasn’t interested in having these conversations…especially with someone whom I’ve never met and not been intimate with. He must have been just typing away cause the next message came as soon as I sent mine. He wanted to send me a picture of how excited he was. I said please don’t. He said sorry, he tried to cancel it but that he was just so into the moment and wanted to show me his 9″ manhood. I said I wasn’t interested in getting any of those pictures. I got not one…but two. I’m impressed I’ll admit, but I don’t think I’ll be responding to this one again.

The other one has been very nice. He’s recently separated, two young kids, smart and not looking to just get in my pants. He lives an hour away, but would very much like to take me out. Our conversations are mature and truly what this shit is supposed to be about…getting to know someone. He hasn’t asked for pictures or what I’m wearing or what I like guys to do to me in bed. It’s nice. Yes, he’s younger and I know it’s not the best scenario for anything solid, but it’s a welcome distraction and just what I need right now.

There is also the 42 year old boat pilot that works one month out of state, then one month off at home here. We don’t chat a lot, but we are getting to know each other. He said his work has been a problem for most woman. I told him my employment status seemed to be a problem with most men my age. He said he’s dated professional women and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I told him that I wasn’t making any promises but that his work situation wasn’t a problem for me. He’ll be back here in September so we’ll see what happens then.

Lastly there is the 39 year old musician. I don’t find him terribly attractive but he is interesting. We like the same kind of music, although he doesn’t actually play music that I like. He’s going to be playing at a local bar this weekend, I might just go check him out. I’ll keep you posted.

The trick for me is to keep any and all expectations away. I’m focusing on keeping an open mind “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. Whether or not my hearts fulling into this or not, I can’t just sit around waiting for something to happen to me…I’m going to have to put myself out there to see.


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