It’s the phrase I hate most in my life. Don’t touch me! What? Wait…but I want to touch you. I want to hug you and kiss you and put my hand on your arm when you’re talking so you know I’m really listening. What the hell??!!
My ex husband used to say that to me a lot. Which confused the hell out of me cause I know you want to have sex with me, which I am pretty sure involves touching, but in absolutely no other circumstance do you want me to put my hand on you?? He stopped holding my hand before we were even married. A Smart person would have realized what a major clue that would be as to the type of affection one would be getting for the next decade or more of their life with this man. No…Not me. I was apparently a huge dumbass.
I am a very affectionate person…who, coincidentally, came from a family that wasn’t really all that touchy feely. I like touching. I like hugging. I like knowing that I can give you just a little bit of comfort without saying a word. Touchy touchy touchy. Every day I hear this awful phrase “Don’t touch me!” from both my kids. What the fuck? I carried you in my body for 9 fucking months in full and complete discomfort I might add. I breast fed you both. I held you when you were tired or scared, I hugged you when you were sad or just because you wanted me to. I carried you when you just didn’t have the strength to go one more inch on your own feet. When the girl was little, she would have night terrors. I would sit with her in my lap and talk to her softly until she would come out of it and crawl back in bed. How many times did you fall asleep on my shoulder because you just didn’t want me to put you down. Oh, and let’s not forget that for at least 8 years I never had a chair to myself,I always had someone needing to be in the exact same place I was…at all times, and more often than not it was both of you.
Don’t touch me. ARGGGG….This kills me. How can I have spent so many years cuddling them and loving them and (lord help me) touching them only to have them turn out to be just like their father. Don’t touch me. I can almost hear his voice when they say it. It honestly takes me right back to the day when he first jerked his hand away from mine and said those awful words “Don’t touch me”. Please please PLEASE tell me this is just a phase…a stupid teenage thing. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my parental life not giving my kids hugs or feeling their hand in mine. Really, that would totally suck the big one.
Every now and then (and it’s so rare I might have to start naming them like they do those comets that come around every 18 years or so), they will…give me a hug. Those times I just want to wrap my arms around them so tight even I can’t let go. Sigh. It’s rare, but it happens. I’ve learned to not try to hold on too long, but I want to.
Teenagers suck. I think I need a hug.