Let’s just say, I’m not exactly 100% proud of some of my behavior lately. I like to sell myself as a mature self confident woman…but sometimes I don’t act like one. I’ve done things that are not quite lined with my purpose or my values, and I haven’t gotten the responses I would like. Now, I’m not stupid, so I know since I have no control over the way people react to me, it’s time I take back control over how I act. Time to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk.
I was in the midst of doing something stupid the other day. First, and gratefully, I ran it past a friend. She pretty much called me out on doing the same crap I said I wasn’t going to do anymore. I tried to rationalize…I was only being honest and communicating the way that I was feeling…and it’s what I would want in return. Her short reply let me know…that was not at all what I was doing. After thinking about it, I decided to not go ahead with my plan. This time I was actually going to DO what I have said at least a dozen times….I was going to be that woman I keep telling myself I am.
So I woke today with a renewed sense of self. I’m stronger that this crap. Thankfully, I still have a little bit of self respect left after throwing myself into the dumpster one to many times. Finally I gave myself the opportunity to prove, that despite the fact that I may have temporarily lost myself, I can once again gather myself up and act like the lady I am. It was a close call I’ll admit, and maybe my behavior has done more damage than I hope, but I’m back regardless.
Through this I realized I need to talk to myself like I talk to my friends. What advice would I give them if I were hearing them tell me what they are feeling? How would I explain to them what is going on, here in the real world, that is in stark contrast to the drama filled crazy shit going on inside their pretty little head? What loving words would I share with them when they feel like they are about to fall off a cliff? Why don’t I just give myself that same loving advice….instead of just giving it? Time to treat myself the way I do those people I love most.
So starting today I’m bringing back the rational loving woman that I seem to have let go of for awhile. I’ve missed her…she’s pretty hot. This chick knows what’s right and what’s just emotions run wild. She knows what she’s capable of and what she deserves…and it’s time to let her be the one in charge.
Look out world…the bitch is back.(and I mean that in the most loving and empowering way!)