I am not a quitter. A delayer. Definitely a procrastinator, but I am most certainly no quitter. The biggest problem with being a professional delayer is that you can put off things 4.EV.ER. A few months after my ex moved out, things around the house seemed to fall apart all the time. It’s like them missed that mother fucker or something. One of said projects was the curtain rod in the family room. Damn thing ripped right out of the wall leaving a 4″ hole. I took off the curtains on that side, left the rod hanging and the hole there for over a year and a half. That’s a long time to look at that mess. I was, however, determined to fix that shit on my own….I just wasn’t in any hurry. Mostly because I didn’t really know what the hell to do to fix it. Then, slowly I started to look up information on what I needed to do, then one day I took my lazy ass to the hardware store, bought the shit I needed and fixed that fucker up right! Even the ex commented on how good it looked…even though he could easily find it (of course).
Here’s the thing, I never really seem to put much of a deadline on my goal/projects/anything. So I put it off until one day I magically have some determination and I get shit done. What I wish, is that I could have more determination and less procrastination. This is something that has eluded me all my life. There’s just no drive in anything…even though I tend to get shit done, I could get a whole hell of a lot more shit done if I didn’t waste so much damn time doing nothing but telling myself that someday I’m going to get that shit done.
Once I actually finish whatever it is I’ve put off for what seems like an eternity, I pat my happy ass on the back and revel in my accomplishment. Look at the next project….and tell myself, I’ll get it done, someday. Oh my freaking lord…I’m a mess. Right now there are at least 10 things that I have been putting off for 10 months, some for a year, some for just a few weeks. I’m not sure if I’m just lazy…or if there is something I’ve been unable to tap to get me moving in the right direction. This needs to change. I need to change.
10 years ago I quit smoking. Two years ago I started again. For the last 10 months I’ve been trying to quit. Today is another day I give it a go. Last week I started a list of things I could do instead of smoking or eating my way through it. At this moment, I really just want to take a nap. Instead I’m writing to you all, and making a mental list of all the things I need to do today to keep me busy. I’m also trying to start something with a few of my single girlfriends to get us out of the online dating bullshit, and into a little real life mix and mingle. Part of me is afraid…I’m going to just let this idea fade away like all my other brilliant ideas. I’m trying hard to tether it to something solid so we can get this thing moving. We’ll see.
Ok…I’ve opened up a little more about myself. Did I mention I want to take a nap?