I’ve gone from denial, to sadness, to anger over the Hunky Stallion. This just means I’m almost at the end where I will finally be free of it.
Mostly, I’m a nice person. I respect other peoples choices, even if I don’t like them, and I don’t do or say things to deliberately hurt anyone…mostly.
I say goodbye to the Hunky Stallion and tell him that I not angry and that I respect his choice to do what he felt was right. Truth is, I don’t know why he did what he did. Truth is I think what he did and how he did it was shitty and cowardly.
What this mostly nice person really really wants to do is tell him to fuck off. Right to his face. When I asked him if he would tell me if he didn’t want to see me anymore or if he would just disappear…he said he would tell me. I want to tell him he is an asshole for disappearing instead of talking to me. I want to look him right in the eyes and tell him he hurt me more by pulling away slowly than it ever would have if he had just said I don’t want you. Shit, he could have told me I was a crazy fucking lunatic and he wish’d he’d never met me…and it still would have been easier and faster to get over.
I’m angry. Which means I’m one step closer to acceptance and finally being able to let go for good.