The ugly side of heartbreak…

I’ve gone from denial, to sadness, to anger over the Hunky Stallion. This just means I’m almost at the end where I will finally be free of it.

Mostly, I’m a nice person. I respect other peoples choices, even if I don’t like them, and I don’t do or say things to deliberately hurt anyone…mostly.

I say goodbye to the Hunky Stallion and tell him that I not angry and that I respect his choice to do what he felt was right. Truth is, I don’t know why he did what he did. Truth is I think what he did and how he did it was shitty and cowardly.

What this mostly nice person really really wants to do is tell him to fuck off. Right to his face. When I asked him if he would tell me if he didn’t want to see me anymore or if he would just disappear…he said he would tell me. I want to tell him he is an asshole for disappearing instead of talking to me. I want to look him right in the eyes and tell him he hurt me more by pulling away slowly than it ever would have if he had just said I don’t want you. Shit, he could have told me I was a crazy fucking lunatic and he wish’d he’d never met me…and it still would have been easier and faster to get over.

I’m angry. Which means I’m one step closer to acceptance and finally being able to let go for good.

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6 thoughts on “The ugly side of heartbreak…

  1. I promise this isn’t intended to injure you Dawn. My hope is harsh reality, truth, and another perspective, will help you move on…You ask him to tell you He told you 100 times in 100 different ways. He told you from DAY ONE that he didn’t want a relationship. He left every time you expressed that you wanted and needed more. Yet, you couldn’t accept that. It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Even though it was the truth. You chased him and drew him back, with promises of your acceptance of the non-committed relationship, SEVERAL times. Finally he has cut all ties, No longer wishing to ride the carousal. But you still chase. You still contact him. You still try to rewrite history in your mind. The ‘Hunky Stallion’ is neither shitty or a coward. He is wise. He is done, He knows the only way he can escape the madness, is to not participate. It is time to stop romanticizing something that never was. It was a convenient physical relationship. You enjoyed each others company until you required more. He then ended it. It’s time to move on… I am sorry. I hope you don’t take this as an attack, Although I know you easily could. You need honesty, I have tried to give you that.

    1. Roger, thank you for you comment.
      Let me say one thing. You do not know the whole story, as I have not shared the whole story. I share what I chose to in the moment. My story is my healing process and nothing more. I find it somewhat amusing the posts that you chose to comment on and feel that you find me to be a silly emotional girl…and maybe to a small degree I am. That’ is ok with me. You see bits and pieces and make a general assumption. Understandable.
      I do not feel that your comments are an attack, however they are slightly misguided.
      It would be a great joy to me if you could be a little more open minded and realize that without knowing the whole story your truth is nothing more than YOUR truth.
      Thank you again…and don’t worry about me, I’m more enlightened than you chose to see. 🙂

    1. I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve tried. I want a face to face. I need to hear some things from him in order to have closure…but I don’t know if that is the right thing to do.

      1. I couldn’t stand it either, so I just emailed my X. My therapist said that lots of people just write a letter and then burn it and treat is as a symbol. I just preferred to send him a loooong email with everything I thought of him.

      2. We have to do what’s best for us.
        The key…is to have no expectation that what we do changes anything but our own peace of mind.

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