I haven’t slept good all week. The puppy is either up in the middle of the night, or 4:30 in the morning. I don’t mind so much the middle of the night, since most times she quiets down pretty quick and I can actually fall back asleep. This 4:30 in the morning shit is wearing me out. There is no going back to sleep after going outside in the cold to let your dog take a crap, knowing that your alarm clock is going to go off in 1/2 and hour. Then again, those middle of the night trips leave me with a wandering mind. That sucks too.
Right now I’m in sort of a free fall zone. I feel sad one moment, scared, determined, overwhelmed…I can’t get a handle on anything. I need some fucking sleep. On a beach would be nice.
This week I’ve gone through so many emotions I feel like I’m going through puberty again. One moment I feel like I want to cry, but then it passes rather quickly and there are never any tears. I’m not even sure exactly what I want to cry about…so fuck that. I’ve been angry too. Mostly at myself. I still haven’t managed to get one full day of no smoking in….and I feel like a complete failure. The list goes on…but I won’t bore you with details.
As for the dating thing, I still feel like I jumped back in too soon. It has nothing to do with my last date…he’s very sweet and I do intend to give this guy a shot. Although, I have to tell him where I’m at is no where near where he is. He may decide to stick around, he may not. Time will tell. I had two other dates lined up for this weekend…both disappeared by Thurs. Oh well.
Honestly, I have a whole lot of fucking work to do on me…still. In so many areas, not just the relationship part. I’ve been ignoring my instincts…that never turns out good. I’m tired. I’m bored. I’m restless…and I’m driving myself crazy.
One a lighter note…I just started watching Dexter. Bring on season one, mamma obviously needs a little distraction.