Don’t worry…this bitch is doing just fine.

This year is already going by way too fast.  Of course I’m dying for some warmer weather and I’m desperate to get out of the house.  I’ve been in a “nesting” mood lately and I need to get out.  So my plea to mother nature is to hurry up to the warmer weather and then SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

One of the promises I made this year was to have more fun.  So far I’ve been to one concert with friends and took my kids to a comedy show.  No more sitting around and watching life just pass by.  I totally enjoyed a night out with my kids and listening to them laugh and enjoy the show…even if they did have to go with their mother. There are also plans to see another concert this summer, taking the kids to see the hot air balloon festival and a trip to New Orleans with the girls.  I’m keeping my eyes open for things to do and experiences to enjoy.

A few weeks ago I got an email from my ex husband.  He’s getting married.  Let me tell you I am not surprised in the least.  At first there was a moment of uncomfortable pain.  He hasn’t been alone at all since the divorce and here is getting married.  I am going to admit, for a moment, I felt sorry for myself.

That moment didn’t last long.  I’m happy for him…he needs to have someone to take care of.  His needs and my needs are as opposite as can be.  I want a loving passionate romantic relationship, he wants someone committed. Do I think that he is getting what I want…no.  I know him, and to be honest, if it was a matter of just not wanting to be alone, I would have had that covered a long time ago.  All I would have to do is settle for exactly the same kind of relationship that I had with him.  I’d be taken care of….but still not entirely happy and most definitely not feeling any passion.

So I wish him all the best.  I hope that she is able to bring out the best of him.  I hope they are good for each other and it works out better for the both of them.  For me, I’m holding out for the true love of my life.  For that, I can be patient.

At first, I was going to just let the kids bring it up to me.  They didn’t.  After a few weeks I started wondering if they chose not to tell me because they felt sorry for me for not even having a boyfriend in 4 years.  So I was out to lunch with my daughter and I decided it was time to clear things up.  I told her that I hoped she understood that I was not sad or lonely because I didn’t have a boyfriend.  She assured me she didn’t think I was sad, quite the opposite, she thinks I’m a very happy person.  She told me the only reason she didn’t say anything is that it was a little weird that the man I was once married to was now getting married.

I let her know, that I was happy for him.  He had every right to go on with his life.  That was the reason we got divorced.  I told her that if I didn’t want him to move on, I would have just stayed married to him. (joking)  I also told her that I was going to hold out until I found someone who brings out the very best in me and I for him.  That no matter how long it takes,  I’m not settling for anything less, just to not be alone.  My daughter is pretty damn awesome and I think she gets it.  It was good to know she doesn’t see me as a sad lonely woman.  Score.

So that’s the last few weeks summed up.  A little fun, a little uncomfortable and a intense desire for spring to finally get here.  Please please…


2 thoughts on “Don’t worry…this bitch is doing just fine.

  1. I like your plan to focus on having more fun. I think it is so right to wait for the right person rather than just ending up with someone because of a fear of being alone.

    1. Thanks…I think it’s time!! I’ve never really been afraid of being alone, and I really don’t mind it so much. I’m more afraid (and that might not even be the right word) of never being loved…
      But I still have faith…someday. For now, bring on the fun.

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