The up and downside of being single…for me

There are always and up as well as a down side to any given situation.  It’s a matter of trying to decide whether or not, for you, there is more up than down.

Being single, or at least no longer being in my marriage, has certainly had more ups than downs.  No longer am I made to feel responsible for someone else’s happiness…or lack there of.  No longer do I feel guilty because I want something just for me. Choices are mine…all mine.  Sometimes the suck, sometimes they lead to unimaginable pleasure. Either way, they are mine.  I am in control of my own personal happiness and it is no longer tied to someone who would refuse to give me freedom to seek those things I enjoy or support me because they didn’t understand.  I can spend my time with whomever I choose.  Married, single, guys or girls….anyone that I enjoy being around, without any explanation.  I absolutely love all of that.

All that in itself outweighs any of the downs.

One of the down’s is  that I’m completely responsible for every single decision.  There is no one to blame when things go wrong…it’s all on me.  Personally, I don’t mind so much, really.  I have absolutely no problem taking responsibility for my actions, and yet every once and a while I’d like someone else to just take over…and leave me out of it.  That’s not an option, so those moments don’t last long. Usually when that happens, I sulk a little, put shit off…then get back to being in charge.

The other downside, in my case, is the holidays.  I don’t have family near me that I’m close with, it’s just my kids, and my step dad.  So when the holidays roll around, it is usually just a regular day around here.  If the kids are with their father, it’s a lonely time.  So here’s the really sad pathetic part.  All my friends have family around…so when the holidays come, that’s where they are, and here I am, home alone.  I’m happy that there is no drama, no faking smiles or being around people I don’t really like because I’m obligated.  I’m not somewhere I would rather not be, but then again it would be nice to be a part of something.  I’m going to incorporate a little more entertaining this summer…open myself up a little more.  However, on the holidays, it’s still going to be just me, and the dog.

I remind myself how many years of parties I hosted for people who never really liked me much…and how uncomfortable it all was.  I don’t every want to be in that situation again.  So I’ll sulk a little this weekend because there are no bbq invites for me. I will have a menu made for one…and it will include all my favorites.  No one will complain that the food isn’t right, or that I’m not dressed appropriately, or that the house isn’t clean enough.   I’ll crank up the music I like to hear, play catch with the dog, and do whatever the hell I choose.

In the end…it really isn’t all that bad.

 

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