Let’s get a little off topic shall we….my life is, well, strange to put it mildly. The last few weeks have offered up some rather strange and most peculiar moments.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned before…but I am not the most popular chick on my block. Truth is I really only talk to one neighbor and we don’t really talk that much. The neighborhood is filled with what I affectionately call “yard snobs”. The one that stands at the top of the snobby food chain lives right across the street. He has been referred to, by me, one more than one occasion as the asshole…
In the 7 years I’ve lived here he has not spoken to me personally. He has, however, bad mouthed me to the neighbors on more than one occasion. I’m not one to seek out conflict with people, but I did over hear him call me “num-nuts” to the other asshole next door, to which I promptly stormed my ass down stairs, opened the front door and made sure he knew “num-nuts” can hear you!!! He just waved his hand and kept walking. Never making eye contact with me and most often turning tail and heading to the back of his house whenever I’m out front.
I’ve seen this guy plow snow from his drive all the way across the street, so that when they street plows go past, all his snow ends up piled at the end of my driveway. He’s kicked trash from his yard into his neighbors instead of just picking it up, burn his tires pulling back into his drive because he noticed a branch in his yard as he was leaving, kicked trash from the middle of the street over to my side (made a point to let him see me watching this episode of insanity). There are countless stories, but basically I can’t stand him, and I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.
Most recently we had “words” because he didn’t like the fact I blew my grass clippings into the street…so he promptly got his blower out and blew them right back into my drive. I’d had enough…out again I went to ask “WTF”. Blah blah blah…it’s illegal he says…Um, no it’s not. Blah blah blah…more words, kiss my ass, fuck you…and off we went. Till he came back to apologize and offer to sweep the grass from my drive. (?????)
Two weeks later he’s at my house offering to fix my wonky columns. I assume it’s because he doesn’t like looking across the street to see such lack of care. ($7000 to fixt the sinking porch and stop the columns from being wonky. Of which I do not have) Um…ok, just let me know the cost. No way, he says, so-and-so and I will just come take care of it. So-and-so lives two houses from me…in between is the crazy bitch. Another story I certainly should share.
Not an hour later…two men, both in their 60’s at least, come and fix my columns, and give me some advise on other things that need fixing. During the process, the bitch next door comes out to her drive talking on the phone. Not unusual…she’s usually poking around whenever there are men milling around my front yard (which isn’t too often). Next thing I know, so-and-so says…You know that cow is going to stay out there till we’re done. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Here I was all this time thinking they were friends. Nope, apparently (and I have no idea where the hell I was except probably minding my own fucking business) they are all calling the cops on each other for…well, not so neighborly behavior. Seems that the bitch next door is a bitch to everybody…not just me.
I ate up all the stories of the madness that has been going on right under my very nose. How could I have missed all this?? Ahhh…anyway, it turns out that the asshole and I are bonding, sort of, and I’m learning that my neighborhood is essentially fucked up. Strange…but entertaining.
What else? Well there was the dead mouse body I scrapped up off my basement floor.
The possible legal shit happen at work because certain people are just crazy fucked up liars.
Since the talk with the hunky stallion, and my decision to let him run the show for awhile I’ve had…
The 24 year old (past lover) ask me to be his girl and I think he told me he loved me. (I told him we need to talk)
The other past lover who is going to be in town and would love to see me and wishes it could be more…but there’s the whole girlfriend thing and all.
I feel some strange energy around me lately. Not really sure if I’m liking it or if I need to close all my windows, lock all my doors and hide until it all blows over.
One thing I know for sure…it’s never dull.