I have allowed myself to be back in the “game”. This time it feels different. I’m no longer desperate or lonely or feel like I need to fill my space with a man. Given this new attitude and my newly found confidence I have been able to see each and every potential candidate in a more mature way.
Over the last few years I have tried many different online sites in an effort to find some companionship. I refuse to even attempt to calculate the amount of money spent on the more upscale sites. I can tell you the amount of return on my investment has most definitely put me in the negative. At this point I can no longer afford to invest in these sites…so I’m pushed into the free ones. There has to be some quality in there somewhere…at least I’m hoping.
I’m trying Tinder for the first time. What I like is that you can only communicate with someone who has shown mutual interest. Makes it easier than filtering through messages from men there is no attraction to. Well, at least it would seem easier. I find myself swiping right on men that seem interesting and have something to say about themselves. There have been approximately 20 mutual matches. When there’s a match, I send out a message hoping to connect. So far I’ve gotten about 4 who have returned one message, then nothing else, one who was interesting but lives in another state (how I missed that I have no clue) and two who are offering the ever popular FWB.
As a smart woman, I can see the appeal of the FWB. For anyone who isn’t really interested in a traditional relationship, you can have sex with someone who also has no interest in a relationship. For two people who want to keep their freedom, but don’t want to rely on random hook-ups or one night stands…this offers an alternative with no hidden objectives.
What I have learned is that the “benefit” is sex, the “friend” is someone you can have sex with. I hang out with my friends, we do stuff together, movies, dinner…what have you. That is not part of the F in FWB. Another thing is that maybe this week I would like a different benefit, perhaps, the benefit I’m looking for is someone to come change out the drippy faucet in the bathroom, or help re-wire a light…or do some “manly” things for me around the house. Apparently, that is not open for interpretation. The only benefit these men are looking for is sex…without any investment.
The other thing I found out is that accepting an offer of FWB does not allow me the opportunity for a drink or meal. Pretty much, let’s meet and have sex. Hmm….well, I do like sex, and I appreciate how “sexy” or “beautiful” you think I am, but why can’t you wine me a little?? Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes it is. No matter how “stunning” I am…we’re not going out in public, I’m not taking you to the movies or the local bar. Again, where’s the real benefit for me??
So thank you for the compliments…I’m sure that there are a lot of women out there who are willing to go right from your compliments to your bed without the desire for anything in between. I am not one of those women. Maybe at one time or another that would have been enough. At this point I’m not interested in how attracted you are to my outside…I’ve got way to much to offer than just something good to look at and a place to tuck your willy.
Just a couple of weeks in and it’s been relatively quiet. Online and in my head. I’m not worried about the “what if’s” or whether or not this is all that is out there for me. I’m trusting the Universe on this one. Somewhere out these is my partner in crime…the man who has been looking for me. For now I’m going to just float along this little path…and not take any shit.