Open your eyes

Where in the hell did 2014 go?  Wasn’t it just July???  What did I do this year?  Shit…

It’s funny….life.  I can see that I’m changing.  My feelings about a lot of things are changing, in a good way. Unfortunately I am also having a strong desire to lock myself away for a little longer.  Nothing is going to change if I don’t move out of my little comfort zone.  I’m trying…but still.

It’s obvious I have no clue what I’m doing.  That’s ok right?  As far as this “dating” thing goes I’m trying to go with the understanding that what I’ve been doing isn’t working and I have no idea what the right relationship looks like.  Not that I don’t know what I want it to be like or how I want to feel in a relationship…I just mean that I need to step outside of any ideas I’ve held on to in order to get a better understanding of what I could have.

There are days I spend a few mins swiping left over and over…and other days I just go with the attitude of “what the hell” and swipe right to anything that looks interesting or appropriate.  So far it’s not given me much in the way of opportunities, but I’m hopeful.  Letting go of some things like, distance, guys with same name of my ex, height…just trying to open myself up to something new.

My therapist says I need to get out.  He’s right.  I’ve known that for awhile. Nothing is going to happen to make my life any better just sitting around my house.  No matter how much stuff I’m getting done around here…and telling myself I need to do this to move forward.  It’s hiding.  I’ve been doing that for a long time.

Like most of us…as another year comes to a close, I tend to think about the changes I need to make in the new year.  There have been a few things I’ve been tossing around.  Of course there is the usual lose weight/get in better shape, get better organized, eat healthier, budget my finances better….and yes I need to do all of those things.  What I really need to do is push myself a little more.  I saw a quote one time about writing about a life worth living, or living a life worth writing about.  Something tells me that I’ve told myself that before….only to continue doing things the same way.

No one is going to do it for me. No one is going to knock on my door, take my hand and walk me into a better life. Change is only going to happen when I get my sorry ass up and do something.  The biggest change I need to make is to get out more.  Do things and open myself up to more opportunities.  Time to stop making excuses for myself that I don’t have the time, or the money to do anything.  I don’t make the time or use the time I have and not everything costs money.

I got an email the other day that got me thinking.  It said to say yes more often.  Say yes to party invitations, to dates, to coffee with the neighbors, to emotions, to life…to everything. So this coming year is going to be about me saying yes more often and getting out.  I’m going to spend the last few weeks of this year deciding what I can do, and how to make myself accountable.  Perhaps taking advantage of the activities offered by the several singles sites I’ve joined. Maybe just inviting my friends over for dinner or actually meeting up with someone I’ve met online.  Maybe I’ll finally do one of the crazy fun runs…maybe?



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