So here I sit. Christmas Eve. Alone. Drinking my 2nd (maybe 3rd) glass of wine following about 10 hours of cooking and baking and cleaning and shopping in preparation for Christmas day. The amount of food I cooked you would think I was having an army…its a party of 4. I’m good with that.
Again, I sit here, with my wine watching Love Actually and I feel really really good. I’m smiling, enjoying a good glass of red wine, and some snacks. There is this moment where I’m reminded of my ex husband…”Why are you so happy??? There’s nothing to be happy about!”.
He was wrong then. He would still be wrong now. For that, I’m incredibly thankful. I’m without a lover of my own, yes. My kids are not here right now. I miss the big family gatherings for the holidays….but still. Still I’ve got so much to be happy for.
I’ve filled the stockings. Made sweets and favorite dishes. I ran to two different grocery stores…cause I’m an horrible planner. Right now I’m watching an incredible romantic movie…snuggled on the couch with my puppy, just waiting for my kids to come home and unwrap the gifts in their stockings. Couldn’t be happier.
If I could give one gift this year it would be for you to know faithfully that pain, and loss, and loneliness are a part of life…but we don’t’ have to stay in misery. The only thing that really has to change is YOU.
XO Merry Christmas!!