I lost my way

I’ve never been one to succum to worry.  Sure, I’ve dipped my toes in, but very quickly pull back out.  Lately, it seems, I’ve done a cannon ball right into the deep end of worry and doubt.

Fortunately I’ve dragged my sorry ass out of the pool, all I have to do now is dry myself off, and get back on track.

I don’t know why or how exactly I found myself over my head in all of this shit.  The only thing I can think of is that I’m used to being surrounded by naysayers, and I’ve been the one to keep a level head with a positive attitude.  Now, it’s all me.  So, naturally, I’m playing all the damn parts.  No one here to be a downer on life, so I must be the downer. Bullshit for sure. Maybe it’s a natural progression once you find yourself eliminating all the negativity you’ve been surrounded by all your life.  Maybe I’m just not sure how to be the positive force…when the only real force around is me.  I don’t know…but I’m ready to get back to being more of me, and less of “them”.

Anyway, as I dry off all the worry and doubt about where my life is going, I’m refocusing on the plan.  Just deal with what’s in front of me now.  Revisit the list of projects that need to be completed, the things that are completely within my control.  One step at a time.  Moving in the right direction with complete faith that no matter what, I’m going to be ok.

I think perhaps its time to allow myself to dream.  Open myself up to some real fun fantasies…Dream.  Dream big. Maybe I need to do something completely outrageous.

Who knows.  For right this moment, I’m glad I’m out of this incessant worry and moving on.

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