Tag Archives: job

On to the next chapter

So, let’s recap the recent adventures of my fucking life.

After years of searching I finally found a job to get me out of the grasps of a psychopath.  Walking away from that job and starting the new one gave me the courage to finally put my house on the market and find a place of my own.  It’s like I was riding the mother of all waves, flipping up my hang loose sign, sticking out my tongue and telling the world that this was totally rad dude.

I was settling in to the new place, planning out all the projects to do when shit starting hitting the fan at work.  At this point, I’m not sure if I was purposely ignoring the signs or if I was just being overly positive that everything was going to be fine.  People were getting laid off.  People were quitting.  I think in one week 3 people were gone.  I remember texting my girls and having them all say “get out girl…time to find something new.” The AP manager, who had put in her notice, told me that I should protect myself and find something new. Still…I honestly believed that this place would fine in the end, although a little leaner. This is where I was supposed to be.  I knew it in my gut.

On Friday, the few of us left in the office were brought in by the owner to discuss what had been happening and where they were headed.  They were in trouble, but they had a plan and wanted to know if they would have a staff to help get that plan in motion.  I was all in!!  It was going to be bumpy but I had faith that the company would come out strong in the end.  On Monday the boss gave me his CC to make a purchase for him and told me I should probably have that number so to be sure to keep it somewhere safe.  I did.  At 4 pm that afternoon we were all told they were closing their doors.

How the fuck could I have been so wrong???  Did I see this coming and ignore it?  Was I totally blindsided???  To make matters even worse it was the day before my birthday!  I was numb a little, trying to be strong…finding every bit of strength to not break down.

I did not want to cry.  I really didn’t even want to acknowledge it.  What the hell was I going to do???

After shedding a few tears, having a minor panic attack and coming clean with my daughter, I decided that this was going to be just fine.  I mean, come on, if this had happened just 3 months earlier I would have been totally screwed.  I would have most definitely lost my house because I did not have enough money in the bank. I would have been stuck there for way longer cause I would not be able to get approved for any new loan at that point.  It would have been a disaster.  BUT…it happened when it did and it was perfect.

I got to take my birthday off!  Who doesn’t love to have their birthday off!!  I was able to have a completely delightful morning make out session with the hunky stallion because…well, I didn’t have anywhere to go.  I was in a good place financially because with selling the old house I had equity so I had plenty of money in the bank.  Since I am a smart chick I was also putting mortgage payment money away even though I did not have a mortgage payment for 2 months during this process, so there was that.  Looking over my situation I realized I could go at least 3-4 months without having to touch any of the money from the house sell, and still be ok, still be able to do the things to the house that I wanted, just not all of them.  I was going to be ok, really, this could not have happened at a better time.

So….having faith paid off.  Things did not pan out like I had hoped…but that’s fucking life.  That’s why you have to stop with the expectation that life is only good if it happens like “this”.  You must be willing to let life unfold the way it is intended and believe that you will be ok.  That, my friends, if the god damn story of my whole fucking life.  Where once something like this would have put me in a complete state of dread and panic (or the people in my life, ie: my ex husband who is soooo damn dramatic) I was now able to have a (brief) moment of uncertainty and then turn my focus to acceptance and peace.

Now I have the time to work on getting the house settled.  I was going to take the time off to do all those things that would have eaten up every weekend for the next 6 months. Boxes unpacked.  Drawers and cabinets organized.  I was going to look for the right job, not just settle, while getting my house done the way I wanted.  This time is was going to be used wisely.  Come on, this was going to be great.  So far, it has been.

I have tackled some major shit that I would have dreaded doing after a long work week.  Ugly kitchen cabinets GONE! New sparkly wall, hell yeah!  Unpack boxes and get rid of more shit…bring it on.  I’ve been a beast when it comes to working on the shit here…I remind myself all the time about how bad it felt not doing the things I really wanted to do at the old house only to have to do them in record time for someone else to enjoy.  This is MY house! I will do with it what I please and it will be wonderful.

Being rejected is not fun.  Being rejected over and over and over and over….again and again totally sucks.  It’s easy to sit back and feel like a failure.  This is testing my faith. Faith in myself. Faith in my abilities. Faith in the Universe.  I’ve been up and down, and up again with feeling defeated by this circumstance.  Still, I continue to bring myself back to accepting that in the end, everything will be ok.

Accepting and gratitude is the fucking key.

At an appointment with my financial adviser to discuss my accounts and see how I was doing, I told her I had lost my job.  She asked what kind of job I was looking for…and we discussed my “qualifications”.  Then she said they were looking for a part time on call person and would I be interested.  Why yes I would be interested…yes the fuck I would!  Finding out about the specific position and the perks and the potential was just what I needed.  That along with the fact that my financial adviser thinks I’m fantastic and is already looking out for where I can be placed full time and permanently was just the confirmation I needed that, yes…everything was going to be just fine. I will be fine, even better perhaps.

Now I am focusing on training part time, while continuing to get my shit finished at the house.  I believe that once I that full time position opens up to me I will be done with most of the major work on the house which will be a lot less stressful and take less of my free time.  It’s all working out.  Every damn bit of it.

Am I lucky? Maybe, but I believe in my soul that things work out for me because I am willing to keep my faith.  I roll with the bad instead of screaming and yelling about how unfair life is.  Ok, sometimes I yell, but what I don’t do is stay there in a pool of self-pity and whine that I am a victim and life isn’t fair. I appreciate and show gratitude for the good things because I know that things could be worse.  I live the life I speak about…I practice it every fucking day.  Faith in something out there that is so much bigger than me has a plan…and it is a way better plan than I will ever dream of.

Life not going the way you wanted??? Think about how that could change if you just look at all the setbacks and bullshit in a different light.  I’m not letting the shit part of life drag me down…cause if you think about it, shit is the fertilizer. Gardeners and anyone who has a dog that shits in their yard will know what I mean. If you accept the shit, things will assuredly come out better that you dreamed.

Advertisements

And then it was done

It was the best of times…it was the worst of times.

Well, maybe not that dramatic, but working for a psychopath has its ups and downs.

I knew after the first week I was there that it was not the place for me.  Although I have had a lifetime of experience with narcissists this guy took it to a whole new level. That coupled with the fact that I needed to be collecting a paycheck, made it that much harder to just up and leave.  I wanted and need out like never before. In everything there is a lesson…I was going to have to hold on to that for 3 whole fucking years.

This is another of those situations where one moment I had complete faith in the Universe to provide so I jumped in with both feet, then the next I freeze and become “responsible”.  Which really is just another word for scared.  Instead of walking away from a horrible situation, I tried to reason with myself that this was meant to be. There is a lesson here I need to accept.  You deserve this shit.  Anything but have faith in myself, and in the Universe.  So, I stayed, while it ate at me every day.

There were times when I would apply my fucking heart out…then peter out because it seemed like there was no hope in site.  However, I never really gave up.  After I had my fill of the insanity I dug my heels in and with the help of my friends, applied to anywhere and everywhere in hopes to find something that would get me out of that place.

At one point I was reaching out to everyone I had applied to in an effort to see if there was a chance to get an interview. Someone responded…then nothing.  A few weeks later I sent another request and got that interview scheduled.  Sort of long story short, I got the job!!! Close to home, small growing company, better pay and better hours.  I was like having my prayers answered, and I was being rewarded for either putting up with 3 years of bullshit or for my persistence.  Either way, I was on my way out, and I was going to do it my way.

People have quit this place before.  I have seen them be humiliated, shamed and abused during the process. I have listened to lie after lie about why they left, how they were the problem to begin with…after 2 years one guy was still on the shit list and the boss still took every opportunity to bring him up and talk shit.  I was NOT going to subject myself to that.

After I got the offer on the new job, I picked my quit date.  It was going to be a Saturday when I would be the only one in the office, one therapist, and NO big boss.  This was going to take almost two weeks.  I was going to go out on MY terms, without notice and with my head held high.  So, I wrote (with the help of the internet) a professional letter of resignation, explaining that for personal reasons, I would not be giving any notice, but that I knew my co-workers would be able to handle things in my absence.

Needless to say, I was nervous, and yet exhilarated by the thought that after all the abuse, the belittlement, the condensation and negativity I was finally going to be able to walk away.  On that Saturday I showed up to work and did my job as usual.  When it came time to leave, I took my name plate, office key and letter of resignation and put it on the assistant manager’s desk.  I gathered up all my personal items, said goodbye to the therapist still there and sent an update to the assistant manager, manager and big boss on the happenings of the day.  I closed with, please check your email for my letter of resignation.

BOOM!

I left.  Walked out.  Flipped off the building and made my way home.  OOOOHHHHHH….I wonder what they all must be thinking. I’m sure that it was seconds before they were checking their emails and calling each other with a WTF????

The manager tried to call, she was worried about me. I was not falling for that shit.  Then she emailed.  I said I was fine, and that due to personal reasons, this is how it had to be.  I gave no explanation.

When I got my final paycheck, I noticed that my vacation pay was not included.  Being prepared for this (because I know who the fuck I’m dealing with) I sent an email asking when I could expect it.   This is when I was told that is was a use it or lose it policy and that since I gave no notice and would not talk to them that they would not be honoring that.  HA. Bitch, please…I was ready for this exact response.

I sent a follow up email advising that I had read through the office policies, and there was no mention of not receiving unused vacation upon termination.  I also sent an excerpt and link to the Illinois dept of labor outlining that I did indeed have a right to that money.  I clicked send. The email was returned….Send again, returned again.  Apparently, my email was flagged for spam.  OOOhhhhh, they are funny, but they totally underestimate me.  So, I sent it through an alternate email, explaining that if I did not receive the vacation pay earned that I would be filing a complaint with the DOL and including this email along with the rejected effort marked as spam.

“Fine. It’s not worth arguing about.”

That was that…I got my money and was able to put that fucker and his insane business practice behind me once and for all!!!!

Woot woot.

On to a better life…for a while anyway.