This is going to come as a really BIG surprise…
Sometimes, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. I know I know…It’s not easy to admit there are times I’m completely in a daze.
I like to write. I like to get my ideas and lessons out and share them. There seems to me to be no point in keeping all this insanity to myself. There is someone out there just like me. Someone may be thinking the same thing I am, and just needs a little affirmation that they are not alone. That’s why I do this. I want to let someone, anyone, know that it’s not just them. No one is alone.
When I originally started my “journey” it seems a bit surreal. I was opening myself up to things that ALL of the people around me would think was bat shit crazy. The information called to me…and the more and more I devoured it, the more I got. I learned once and for all to be TRUE to ME! My husband didn’t need to understand. My mother didn’t need to understand. I understood all of it…
Problem is…after awhile, it get’s lonely doing this on your own. That’s why I’m here doing this crazy blog. I don’t want YOU to be alone. I don’t want you to give up on your journey because you think you can’t, or you think no one understands, or you think you are just crazy. You’re not! Well, maybe just a little…but that ‘s ok, you are in good company.
Sometimes when I write…I feel like a fraud. It’s not like I’ve had this life long passion to write. I didn’t keep journals as a kid. My brain sometimes is such a jumbled mess that I think I sound like a moron. Then I get a message from someone that says “hey I read your blog today, you are a really great writer!” WTF? Is that person stupid? I’m not a writer! All I’m doing is throwing the crazy crap that’s taking too much space in my head and putting it on this page. That’s now writing…that an attempt to not lose my mind.
I am my own worse critic. When those thoughts come to mind that any of the bullshit I just said up above is true, I get a message from someone that says, thank you. You are good! I’m learning more and more to embrace those moments. Cause back in the day, I would have taken one little bit of criticism and completely tossed the whole fucking plan out the window. Cause if the crazy fucked up people think I’M fucked up…well then it must be true. Right? Haha…I could go on and on and on about how many times I gave up on myself, because I took the words of a bitter person to heart, instead of listening to my own.
So I write. Even when no one comments. Even on those days that no one visits….I write. I write for me, and for you. I write so that I don’t feel so alone…and for that person who is out there seeking that same message. I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I am most definitely being true to myself…and I’m NOT going to give up this time!